No.18

   I can't remember the details accurately, but the stapler incident was one of a few times that Robin has stared at me as I rolled around on the floor in hysterics. One of those moments when you start to laugh and it escalates into tears streaming down your cheeks and the more you try to stop, the worse it gets. It's only when your sides get too sore that you eventually manage to reign it in.
   We had only been going out for a few months when it happened. To fill you in a bit, we met at Bible college in Glasgow and were in a lot of the same classes. I can't remember which class involved me having a stapler, but I did and for some reason Robin and I were sitting together having a bit of flirtatious banter when I decided to snap at him with the stapler....well, who would've thought I would have such good aim?
    I managed to catch the very edge of his left eyelid and the outer skin of his eyebrow  fixing them together with, what can only be described as the most amazing skill, leaving Robin with a startled , yet stunned expression!
   You can imagine how funny it was (well, for me) and how difficult it was to get the staple out , with me laughing so hard it hurt and Robin freaking out. I mean it's not like I got his eye or anything! Men, really, such wimps!
   People love Robin, not as much as I do, but then, they've never shared these kind of intimate moments with him like I have. You'd imagine that him being a solid Christian type bloke, would learn to forgive and forget....I mean that's what it says in the Bible....'As far as the East is form the West, that's how far I have removed your transgressions form you' or ' For if you forgive men (Lynda) their tresspasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you'.
       I watched a clip of a psychologist speaking to a group of people, explaining that men and woman have totally different brains. Women's brains are like a mass of wires with every wire representing some area of their lives, all constantly connecting and  touching each other. Men on the other hand have brains made up of little boxes,each one containing an area of their lives like, 'wife' or 'kids' or finances'...and one box is never allowed to touch another.
    Well, Robin has a box in his brain that is labelled ' Lynda's evil deeds' and he has decided to bring it out for a good old airing this weekend ,to exact his revenge for my past sins!
     When Graeme and Jennifer asked Robin to do their wedding down in Fettercairn, a good two hours away from Macduff, they kindly offered to put us up for the night and I was really looking forward to a romantic night away. That was until I overheard Robin on the phone to another couple who were asking him to do their wedding on the very next day after Graeme and Jennifers. 'Surely he can't say yes', I thought to myself as I saw him scan his magic book of dates, only to hear him say.
   'Well I am doing a wedding the day before in Fettercairn, but we could easy stop off on the way back up on the Sunday for your wedding at Meldrum House".
   Oh yes, all well and good for him, all he has to do is take a change of shirt and a toothbrush...what about me??! Full makeup bag, selection of dresses, diffuser, hair styling products, shoes, multi pack of tights...the list goes on. Also , how am I going to write my blog on the Sunday morning while getting myself ready for another wedding and driving up the road to Old Meldrum...I mean...I ask you!
    Revenge must be indeed sweet!

We managed to set off at 10am, armed with our huge amount of luggage, having been reassured by the folks at the Ramsay arms , where we were staying, that we could get into our room a bit early to get ready. The journey was fairly uneventful with only a few wrong turns and we arrived in Fettercairn at 12.

     As we checked in, Robin asked the receptionist how far it was to Fasque house where the wedding was being held. This was a great time to find out that we couldn’t really walk it and would need a taxi. Problem number  two, we had no cash on us, so on asking where the nearest ATM was and she smiled and said, “Oh, we don’t have a bank here in Fettercairn, the nearest place you can get cash is Laurencekirk”….four miles away! Apparently all this information had been on the wedding invite, but as ours had been verbal we missed out on these crucial little titbits of information.

   So quick dump of the bags, back in the car and off to Laurencekirk to find a cash machine. When we returned we had 30 minutes to get ready before the taxi came, but as you know this is no problem to us and we found ourselves in the taxi at 1.30pm heading up the spectacular driveway of Fasque House.

    Graeme and his groomsmen and ushers were all waiting at the main door, enjoying the spectacular view and despite the fact that it had been raining pretty much all the way down the road for us, the weather in Fettercairn was dull and dry, perfect.

        Robin had done Graeme’s sister, Leanne’s wedding to Mark a while back and his groomsman Paul’s to Jill, so there were a lot of familiar faces and catching up to do.

We walked through the huge glazed doors and straight in to the main hall where the wedding would take place, it was breath taking! The main room led to a huge double staircase that led up the stairs to where all the wedding party had stayed the night before.

    Jen and her Mum had put a huge amount if planning in to all the little details of the day and at the door was a little chest containing beautiful cotton  hankies for  guests to take and mop their happy tears.

A string quartet were playing, at the foot of the stairs, as guests started to arrive, playing a lovely selection of oldies .

At this point Robin was doing his usual, setting up the quaiches , making sure that the schedule was in the right place and chatting to the wedding party, making sure that they were all on the same page.

We noticed that a very conscientious member of staff had decided , in his kilt, to give the spectacular stair case a last minute hoover ( or Henry  as the case was). Unfortunately he had plugged it in right beside the table with all the wedding ‘stuff on it’ and the cable was stretched across the hallway. Robin walked round the corner and caught the cable with his foot, not just unplugging the vacuum cleaner, but actually pulling the whole socket out of the wall in the process, with a huge amount of plaster board!

  There was a silence, as the quartet stopped playing and gasped, the ‘Henry’ died and Robin stood looking at the loose plaster over the beautifully varnished floor.

     Completely nonplussed the kilted cleaner went over, shoved the socket back in it’s hole, took the plug and plugged it in over at the other side of the hall and continued his job, only coming back to sweep up the plaster after the stairs were finished.

       I sat at the back with a lovely couple from Lanark, where Jen’s parent’s live, called Beth and George and we had a chance to get to know each other before the ceremony began. We watched as the quartet played the theme from the ‘Hamlet cigar ad’, is the only way I can remember it, and the bridesmaids came down the staircase, looking beautiful in powder pink with the page boys and little flower girl, Hannah, in cream.

      Jen made a wonderful entrance slowly walking down the stairs on her Dad’s arm. Her dress was strapless , the bodice encrusted with pearls and diamante , a flowing train with swathes of veil flowing behind her. She held a bouquet of pink and cream peony roses surrounded by hydrangea flowers, matched by the flowers throughout the room. Totally beautiful.

       We were reassured afterwards that  folks not from the North East of Scotland, had managed to decipher Robin’s Doric tongue,  all enjoyed how well it went and how much it echoed the lives of Jen and Graeme. The hankies were certainly handy as Jen is Joan and Jim’s only daughter and as hard as it is to give any of your children away, your only child makes it an especially  emotional day.

     Slinky , their saugage dog, was definitely not to be forgotten. With a few name checks in the ceremony and a little photo of him with a gift for fellow dogs that couldn’t make it, sitting on the table as we went through after the ceremony.

      We enjoyed a drink of champagne through in one of the many livingrooms that Fasque House has to offer. Being specially set up for functions  it has a bar and facilities to accommodate a huge number of guests. I was particularly impressed with the toilets after being told by Sarann  to go check them out.

Little rolled up towels in a holder were available to dry your hands and plenty of space to freshen up. Something Sarann appreciated more than the rest of us as she and her husband , Austin, are expecting their second baby in three weeks time. We enjoyed witting with them as waiters floated around with refills of champagne and canapés. Robin and Austin found their common love of football while Sarann and I had plenty to talk about, babies being the main topic.

                  We were guided up the main stair to the dining room, at the end of a lovely afternoon where Graeme had generously provided a free bar and found ourselves surrounded by spectacular vintage place settings , our favours being  vintage tea cups with scented candles . All the tables were beautifully dressed with cream and pink peony roses and vintage candelabras draped with pearls.
    We were sitting with a group of Jen's friends and I had a lovely time chatting to Neil and Alison who were spending their first night away from their little girl Ella who was eight and a half months old.While swapping our main courses I was impressed that Neil had given up his job as a sound engineer with STV to start all over again with a job as a train driver. I always think that it is wonderful to hear how people follow their hearts to find contentment in life. Jen's Dad told us in his speech how they had been bowled over when Jen had decided on a career in nursing after a few years of indecision and now she is a very successful and well loved practitioner.

After a fantastic meal in great company, we went downstairs and the band had begun to play. They were called 'House arrest' and had a great sound, but don't go looking for them for a booking, as we were told that they have recently split up and are just honouring their commitments before going their separate ways...such is show business eh?
    Jen and Graeme did their first dance to 'Nothing's going to stop us now', by Starship....great choice Jen!

Then all the single ladies gathered round and Jen threw her bouquet...it was so lovely to this this old tradition, something I haven't seen in a long time. My dear friend Eileen caught my bouquet at my wedding and sure enough she met Jim a few years later and the rest is history. I hope the catchee of Jen's bouquet will be as happy.

We danced to a few catchy numbers and phoned for a taxi as we knew we had to do it all again, but in a totally different way with a totally different group of people, the next day.
          Well, Jen and Graeme are heading off to a surprise honeymoon location in a little while and the break will be well earned after all the organising that went into their special day.
   I'd like to thank them for allowing us to come and be a part of it all, even if Robin did try to single handedly destroy the place. Look forward to seeing them again and maybe even Slinky , when they come back from abroad.
    Thanks Mr and Mrs Cowie....